Area 51 and the Dead Cow -- Part III

Here's Part III. If you haven't read the beginning or middle, Part I is here:

http://moovyboovy.blogspot.com/2010/05/area-51-and-dead-cow-in-middle-of-road_08.html

And, Part II:

http://moovyboovy.blogspot.com/2010/05/area-51-and-dead-cow-in-middle-of-road_09.html

 Area 51 and the Dead Cow in the Middle of the Road

PART III

By Alan Green

What's that? You gotta have another before we go on? I could use another, myself. Bartender! One more round, over here if you please. I know what you mean. Yessir! The story gets pretty exciting along about now. And, a good story always goes better with a cold brew, I always found. Just ain't right listening to a good story, or watching a movie, or some such thing, without a tall glass of beer. Well, I guess most prefer popcorn or something like that, but I like beer. Here they are -- cheers...Mmm...that's nice. Getting on to the ending. Lemme get right back to it.

Well, now. Where was we? Oh, yeah... The way Joe tells it that protrusion was sticking way out -- like a tent pole -- like whatever it was inside that cow was fixing to come outta there.  And, there was that growly snorting sound -- like a dog growling and a pig snorting mashed into one sound. Joe was about beside himself he was so disturbed by it all, but, he kept right on shooting that video -- even though he could barely keep the camera still enough so's you could see what's what. Oh, I seen the video -- it's shaky but you can still tell what's going on all right.

Welp, anyway, that protrusion recedes a bit and the growly snorting sound goes away, too. Joe was thinking maybe nothing was going to happen after all -- maybe the whole episode was over. And, right then, the protrusion -- it sticks out again, except this time it ain't like the thick end of a baseball bat. No, sir! Not no more! Now, that protrusion is pointed -- sharp. It's making a sharp peak in the hide of the cow's belly. Sticks out further and further. Joe was just waiting for the skin to pop. Well, sure enough, that point sticks out a few more inches when the tip of it breaks through the skin. Well, at first nothing much happens -- there's just this shiny metal-looking point sticking out of that cow's bloated stomach. Then, a bit more of it comes out, and Joe can see from the look of it, that it's some sorta blade -- like on a sword or something. Said, the realization of it made him catch his breath. And, that blade starts cutting that cow's stomach from one side to the other.

Well, that blade don't cut but a coupla inches -- from left to right -- when all that gas that's inside that cow that was built up from the decomposition, you know -- that gas starts coming out. It made a nasty sound -- like a long wet fart -- and Joe smelled it right off. Says it was one of the worst, most foul smells he ever smelt. There was also some intestine and pieces of flesh and whatnot that sprayed out from that hole, and some of it splattered on his boots. Joe says he had to pinch off his breathing and jump back real quick, stumble, several steps. Almost lost his balance and fell, he says, the smell was so bad. Well, he's a gasping for air and kicking the bits of goo off his boots, and he wipes the tears from his eyes. But he don't make any noise, you know what I mean -- no need to let whatever it was with that sword know he was there, not just yet.

You see, by now Joe knew, well he figured at least, that what was going on weren't nothing normal, and in fact -- there might be some danger involved. But, dangerous or not, getting that video was prolly the most important thing he'd ever done, or have the opportunity to do, in his whole life. So, despite that most folks woulda run, Joe stayed.

Well, that metallic looking blade -- it keeps cutting -- from one side of that cow's belly, all the way over to the other. Real smooth and slow. Joe says it didn't saw none, neither -- didn't move back and forth the way you might saw on a piece of chicken, you know. Said that blade just sliced straight through that skin without no sawing motion at all. Musta been pretty sharp. Then, when the end of that blade got to the other side of that cow's belly, it went back inside and it was gone.

Well, by now all that gas that was causing the bloating had escaped through that big hole in its belly and that cow had shrunk back to its normal size. Joe says it was kinda shriveled up. Well, for a few seconds, nothing happened. Joe's just standing there video taping that shriveled up cow, waiting. Then he sees it -- a hand -- just like a person's hand except the fingers were longer -- and -- there was only three of them plus a thumb. It comes out of that slit and pulls back the skin to make the exit bigger. Then, comes a foot -- with only three long toes -- which sticks itself out of the cow, followed by a leg. And that foot sets itself down onto the pavement.

Joe says the skin was real light colored, sorta like 'milk mixed with black ink', he says. And, it was smooth, and there weren't no hair, neither. Next comes a arm and shoulder outta that cow. Then come the hips, and the rear end, the butt -- pointing right at Joe -- and then the other leg and other arm. Then, last, came its head -- big, bald, with holes in the sides where the ears should be. Couldn't see the face -- he (or maybe she, or maybe it don't matter but I'll call it a 'he'), he had its back to Joe. And, that little man backed out of that cow and stood up. It looked almost the same as a small person or child except its limbs were longer than ours, and the fingers and toes were real long.

Well, it stood up straight -- wasn't but maybe four, or, four-and-a-half feet tall. Little guy. Skinny, too -- all skin and bones. He stretched his arms over his head -- just like a lotta folks do when they wake up -- took a deep breath, and, well, just stood there a few seconds. Didn't look around or anything -- just stood there. Was real relaxed looking, calm. Joe says he could hardly believe his eyes. But, he says, the nature of what he was seeing was so extreme, well, it just sorta focused his mind. Numbed him -- made it easier to keep shooting that video and not panic or anything.

Then, that little man looked at his arm -- there was a piece of something slimy -- some skin or guts or something from inside the cow -- it was stuck on that man's arm. Well, he picks it off with his long fingers and lifts it to his mouth, tilts his head back, and drops it in! Yeah! Doesn't chew, just drops it in his mouth and swallows. Just like that. Joe says his jaw like to hit the pavement. As if that weren't bad enough, then that little man licked his fingertips -- you know, like you do when you eat fried chicken or something and you want to get all of it. Just like that. Joe says he was already feeling nauseous, but now he had to choke back vomit. Well, he didn't mind puking -- prolly woulda made him feel better, he says -- but he didn't want to make no commotion and disturb things. He wanted to see what was going to happen next. So, Joe just swallows it back down and keeps on video taping.

Then, the little man sorta brushes the other bits of that cow's innards off himself -- he didn't eat no more of it -- 'thank the lord', Joe always says. And, then he reaches inside a fold of his skin in his side, like where you'd expect his ribs to be. It wasn't like the pocket of a shirt or jacket -- well, that little man didn't appear to be wearing no clothes no how. He just seemed to reach right into his body! Anyway, he reaches in and pulls out this little case -- small, maybe the size of a deck of cards. He presses the surface of it -- where there musta been controls or something -- he presses it a few times with his fat fingertips, like he was putting in a PIN number at a ATM, you know, and the lid of that case opened up. Then, that little man squatted down and reached into that cow, through the slit he had cut, and he pulls out a handful of goo, and he puts that handful of goo inside that case and stands back up. Then, he presses the controls and the case shuts again. Then, he puts that case right back inside the fold of skin from where he got it. I figure that little man was getting a sample, like a specimen, of that cow's insides -- you know -- to be examined in a lab by scientists later on.

Then, the little man looks up at the sky. He looks from side to side, and Joe's watching wondering what the man is looking for. Joe says he looked up in the sky but didn't see a thing. Then, the man, whilst still looking up in the sky, turns around, looking front to back, like he's scanning the entire sky for something. Well, Joe looks around too, careful to keep the camera pointed at the man -- Joe says he looked all the way around one side, then the other, and behind him, but didn't see a thing. So, he turns back, and when he does the little man is looking right at him!

Well, Joe says he was pretty surprised to be looking this strange little man right in the eye. But, as surprised as Joe was, the little man looked even more surprised. That man's eyes was as big as saucers, and his mouth was in the shape of a big letter O. Joe says the man's mouth was pitch black inside -- didn't seem to have no teeth or nothing else in there for that matter -- pure black. And, his eyes, giant -- each one about the size of an egg, almost the same shape, too. With a funny powder blue color with what looked like a grayish milk floating around in them. And, the color went all the way to the edges -- there weren't no whites of this man's eyes. And, there weren't no nose, either. Nor hair. He was just a little skinny naked bald guy with giant blue eyes, holes for ears, and a mouth (that was currently in the shape of a letter O). And, his body was pretty much the same as ours -- two arms, legs, et cetera. Joe says there weren't no parts in the crotch nor elsewhere from which you could tell whether it was a little male man, or if it was a female...well, you know what I mean. There weren't no parts.

Well, they -- Joe and the little guy -- they just stared at each other for a coupla seconds -- neither one knew what to do. Joe just kept on taping. Said he wasn't nearly as scared as before, not since he seen the guy eye to eye. Said he, somehow, looked like a intelligent and calm sort of fella -- somehow. Anyway, he didn't seem like he meant Joe no harm. And the fella didn't seem scared of Joe (he had gotten over the shock of seeing Joe and his eyes weren't so big and his mouth wasn't in the shape of a O no more).

Right then, the little guy raises his hand and faces the palm toward Joe -- like this. Well, obviously he was waving so Joe raises his hand -- not the one with the camera -- and waves at the little guy. Then, the little feller smiles. And, well, Joe smiles right back. Then, he makes this clicking sound, just like what Joe had heard earlier. 'Clickity, tickity, click', Joe says it sounded like. Just like that. Well...hell -- Joe didn't have much choice -- that man musta been saying something and it musta been some kind of greeting, so Joe says, "Howdy." Then Joe points to himself and says, "My name's Joe." Well, when that little man heard that his eyes got all big again and he smiles even bigger, and he point to himself and makes more clicking sounds. Well, Joe took that to be the little guy introducing himself and he just couldn't help it, he chuckles a bit. "Well, pleased to meet you," Joe says, chuckling.

And, then the little guy, he makes this sorta chirping sound. Little short tweets like a bird might make -- over and over. To Joe, it sounded sorta like a laugh. Well, hearing that made Joe go from chuckling to laughing, don't you know. And, when the little man heard Joe laughing he starts a chirping even more -- faster, and this time with a kind of trill added on. He had a twinkle in his eye and had tilted his head back. Joe laughed harder, a real belly laugh -- said it was the funniest thing. And, there they were -- laughing at each other, each one waving their hand. Laughing and waving, waving and laughing. Right out there in the middle of the desert, in the middle of State Route 375. Lord, every time Joe tells it...I just laugh till I can't see for the tears -- just about like we both are now! Oh, lord! Mmm... That is funny!

Well, this goes on for a bit, then they both settle down and lower their hands and stop laughing, and just look at each other again. Then, the little guy, he looks at that dead cow, then looks back at Joe with a sort of guilty expression on his face -- like the cat that ate the bird. Then, he shrugs. Joe says it looked for all the world as if that little guy was embarrassed or ashamed that he was inside that cow a eating it. Well, hell, Joe didn't mind -- to each his own. "I like a good burger myself -- only mine are usually cooked on a grill and they ain't rotten -- but that don't matter," Joe always says. Yep, folks is different.

Anyway, right about then the little guy looks up over the top of them double fences -- the ones with the signs and razor-wire, and he makes more of them clicking sounds. Well, Joe looks over there, too -- at the sky over Area 51 -- but he don't see nothing. Just a clear blue sky. Then, Joe sees this dot way off in the sky. It's just a tiny speck but it's shimmering the way a star does at night -- except it's the middle of the day. Joe watches that speck grow, real fast, as it gets closer. Says it was going faster than any jet plane he ever saw. It went from being just a speck on the horizon to a big giant thing in just a coupla seconds. Just like that. Well, that ship -- Joe always calls it a spaceship cause it didn't look like no plane or other aircraft he had ever seen -- that spaceship gets right up almost directly over them. It blotted out the sun and Joe and the little man were in its shadow.

Joe says it was the biggest ship he had ever seen. Bigger than a navy ship. Hell, Joe says it was at least as big as two aircraft carriers. Beats me how something that big can be made to fly. And, not just fly but 'whip through the air like a bullet, then come to a complete stop in mid-air, all without making a sound -- completely silent', that's what Joe says. Joe says that spaceship stopped so abrupt (it stopped right on a dime) that, if anybody -- he means normal people -- had been aboard it they'd been killed. Woulda been mashed flat. So, he figures that anybody that was on that ship just wasn't like us -- you and me. Well, when that ship stopped, it kicked up a buncha dust, and you could feel the wind from it. The wind caught a tumble weed and rolled it right out in front of Joe and over to the other side of the road.

Well, that spaceship didn't twitch from side to side nor sway at all, not even the least bit -- just stayed exactly in one spot, as if it was cemented up there somehow. Soundless, motionless -- a long metallic silver-looking cigar-shaped ship. Joe was awestruck, but, by now, shooting video had become second-nature to him and he kept that camera trained perfect and captured events just so. Just then, something stuck out of that ship -- it was a long tube-looking thing -- also silver and metallic, maybe as long as a car, and it turned and pointed right at Joe and the little man.

(Well, at the time Joe thought it was pointed right at him and thought maybe it was some kind of gun they was preparing to blast him with. And, Joe, he ain't afraid to admit it, he prayed. He says he told the maker he was sorry for his sins, and hoped he wouldn't be judged too harshly).

Anyway, then that tube starts humming and there's sparks -- green, blue, some was pink -- coming off it, and Joe figures that was the end for him. The humming gets louder and the pitch goes higher and them sparks are a flying faster. Well, Joe braces himself -- and he still keeps pointing that video camera so as to catch all the action, for posterity, he supposed. Just then, a milky-blue beam emanates from that tube and it hits the little man (not Joe). And that little man raises his hand and waves one more time to Joe, then he (the little man) starts a fading away, and in a few seconds he's gone! Then, that beam quits. Just like that. That man is gone. Well, at first Joe thought they had killed that little man for being seen by Joe -- like a punishment for being caught eating a dead cow. But, that didn't make no sense cause they coulda just killed Joe if they was going to kill anybody. So, Joe figured they had beamed that little man up into the ship -- just like you see on TV. Well, he didn't have but a coupla seconds to think on it cause that tube starts to humming again. And, just like before, the humming grows and the pitch goes up and the sparks are a flying, then that tube shoots that beam a second time -- and the beam hits the dead cow. Well, that cow starts fading away just like the little man did, and not more than a coupla seconds later -- it's gone -- didn't even leave a stain.

So now, Joe's standing there in the middle of the road all alone looking up at that ship. Well, don't you know it -- that tube starts to humming again. Now, don't get me wrong, Joe thinks of running -- sure he does. But, he always says, 'Something that told me to stick around -- see what happens next'. So he just stands there and lets that beam hit him. He says he felt all queasy inside, and there was a deep vibration running through him -- not unpleasant he says, but not what you'd call pleasurable neither. He felt a pressure build in the base of his spine and then travel up his backbone. And when that vibrating pressure got to the top of his head the only thing Joe remembers is -- he dropped that video camera.

The next thing Joe knows, he's standing on some kind of floor that felt all squishy under his feet and there ain't nothing to see except this gray-blue light that surrounded him and what looks like a milky fluid flowing through it. He says it was like he was standing in a mix of milky water, or some kind of fluid, and a bluish light. He says he didn't feel like he was suffocating -- but he don't remember taking any breaths, neither. Didn't feel the need. Says, he just was just standing there not breathing, nor feeling a shortness of breath. And he could sorta make out people (or whatever you want to call them) who was standing just a few feet away. Each one of them looked exactly like the little man that had come out of that cow. After a few seconds, one of them stepped forward and he raised his hand -- just like the little man had -- and he sorta waved at Joe. Well, Joe, not knowing what else to do, waved back. Then, the little man smiled at him, and Joe smiled right back. Then, the other little men raised their hands and waved.

Well, it's right about then that Joe says he saw a brilliant light -- so bright it blinded him. Well, almost blinded him -- he could still see the little man (the other folks had disappeared, but that one little man was still there), or, more precisely, the form of that little man was still there. The form was made up of bright dots. Some of the dots were blue, but most were a grayish white. That's what that man's body had become -- a collection of dots of light. Joe says he was looking into that little man's eyes -- said it was more intense a thing than he'd ever done. But, he says, there weren't no tension and he didn't feel embarrassed or anything like that even though they was looking right at each other. Joe says they looked at each other for maybe a few seconds then, well, Joe says he felt like he was hit by a deep pressure right in the middle of his forehead -- right between his eyes, but up a bit in his forehead. Right here -- you know? He said it was a warm dry buzzy pressure -- but not unpleasant. Said he felt it in his mind as much as he did on his forehead. And, while that buzzing pressure was in his mind he didn't have no thoughts at all. This went on for some period of time, but Joe don't know how long. Coulda been a second, coulda been a hour. Then, that buzzing pressure quits. Stops. Just like that.

And, Joe found himself right back in the middle of the road standing in the same spot he had been standing in before he got beamed onto that spaceship. He got his bearings, looked up at the ship, looked at the spot where the little man and the cow had been, then looked down and saw that video camera laying right where he dropped it. Well, he picks it up and presses the button and sure enough it still worked. He looked up at that cigar-shaped ship and pointed the camera at it -- I guess by now ole Joe was a real proficient camera man.

Just then, he notices that tube retracting -- pulled right back into the ship. Well, Joe stood there a second or two, figuring the ship would leave. But, it didn't. Joe kept waiting. Still, that ship just hovered there. Then, without thinking too much about it, Joe raises his hand and waves goodbye to the ship. Then, there was this clicking sound -- click, tickity, click -- like that. Well, Joe figured them people on the ship saying goodbye. So, he says, 'Take it easy', and he keeps waving and video taping as that ship turned and flew away, back over those double fences, and back into Area 51. And, just like that, in just a coupla seconds, that big ship was gone and out of sight. It left so quick it kicked up a bit of a wind and that tumble weed rolled right past Joe's feet, right back to where it came from, and stopped in the same spot it had been in before.

Joe was still standing there looking past those double fences, still waving, when he come to his senses and stopped waving and looked around. Just like that, it was like there had never been a cow, nor a little man, nor any kind of a spaceship. Joe was just standing out there roasting in the hot sun in the middle of SR 375 video taping the desert. And, that was that.

Anyway, Joe finished up his day's work -- like normal -- like nothing had happened. And, because he hadn't taken no lunch break, he met up with his partner at the south end of SR 375 in Warm Springs, just like they planned, and they went back to the station.

Well, Joe went home and he looked at that video -- the entire thing. Run through it a coupla times, I suppose. Just to make sure he hadn't lost his marbles out there in that desert sun. (That's been known happen every now and then). Joe says he spent that night thinking. Spent the whole weekend thinking, he says. Figured what had happened called for some consideration.

What Joe remembered the most -- what seemed the most important to him -- was when he was on that ship and they -- that little man that was made up of dots of light, and Joe -- when they was looking at each other and Joe felt that pressure in the middle of his forehead, in the middle of his mind -- that was the most special part of being on that ship. Joe says that, in that moment, he felt he knew what that little man was thinking. Not like he could hear the words or nothing, he just knew that man's thoughts. Like the thoughts were imprinted on Joe's mind. Like tracks in the sand, he says -- he has a hard time describing it. Not only that, but Joe says he could perceive how that man's entire life had been -- on a pinpoint -- all at the same time! Anyway, Joe says the more he thought about it over that weekend the more he realized how different that little man was from him.

Well, lemme explain. First, that little man didn't carry no anger, Joe says. Wasn't angry at a thing nor any person. And, not only that, but Joe got the impression he had never, not even once, been angry. No, sir. Not once. And, when Joe thought about it more he realized that little man had never thought a nasty thought about another person. Nope. Also, didn't pity nobody, nor feel sorry for himself, neither. Never had! Not one time. Joe says, "The more I come to understand how that little man lived and how pure his thoughts were, the more I understood how poorly I had been living."

Even though he thought about it all weekend Joe just couldn't figure out why he had carried all that anger with him all his life. He had been angry at everyone, not just folks that crossed him. All the time, he says, even when he was alone. Sometimes it was people that had done him wrong years earlier, sometimes it was strangers on the street. He just carried that anger with him all the time, no matter what. Then, Joe realized that that anger had turned to spite. He hated people even before he met them! Yessir! Like I said at the start, Joe always had a chip on his shoulder. It prolly was the reason he never had nobody -- never had real friends, (except me I guess), or a family, nor no comfort in life. Well, after two straight days of thinking about it Joe figured he weren't gonna live like that no more. Figured he was fed up with it. Figured he'd been carrying enough hate long enough for one man -- for one lifetime.

Well, come Monday morning, Joe went in to work and gave notice. Just like that. And, in the two weeks he had left to work Joe went about making amends with other employees he had spited, either openly or to himself. He got to know about them and about their families and what their interests was, and such. Well, it's fair to say that Joe got to be pretty good friends with his co-workers -- even though he only had a coupla weeks to do it. Got to be good enough friends with some that they have him over from time to time -- for a barbecue, or to watch a game on TV, or celebrate the fourth -- any such occasion.

Well, Joe didn't just have new friends, his life got better in general. Now, he keeps in touch with Delores. After all these years. They buried the hatchet. They exchange emails once in a while -- he sends her kids presents on birthdays, Christmas, whatnot. I was glad to see it. Normally, after being separated for so long two people don't keep in touch at all, but Delores and Joe had something special, I suppose. They're still friends. I guess friendship don't go away even after you call the marriage off.

Joe never did date before the incident, like I said -- but, now he sees this one gal. She's a hostess over at one of them fancy casinos in Vegas. Mighty fair looking woman, too. Joe done good -- again. And, he got his tooth fixed, too. Yeah! After it got knocked out forty some years ago in that fight with that fella in back in high school -- Joe finally replaces it with one of them dental implants. Looks real good, too. (I bet his lady friend appreciates it -- not that I ever asked, mind you).

These days, Joe spends most of his time out in the desert looking to get more video of strange things -- looks for funny footprints, dead animals that ain't quite right, strange formations of rocks and pebbles -- that sorta thing. Of course, objects in the sky remains his primary passion -- UFOs. What's that? Oh, he finds stuff. Yessir! Lots of it. It never ceases to amaze me just how many weird occurrences there are in the desert almost every day -- at least round here. Sure, he does -- Joe gets all sorts of videos. I seen footage he got of weird flying formations -- there's one of a blurry blob just criss-crossing the sky so fast you'd hardly believe it. He's got a lot of UFO footage. You can see it if you like.

But, the videos I like best are the ones of stuff on the ground. Three-toed footprints (ain't no animal out these parts with three toes!), funny imprints that look like landing gear -- usually in sets of three, each about fifty feet apart. Why he's even got a coupla shots of what looks like them little men -- way off -- peeking out from behind boulders, looking at him. Those are fun to watch. I'll watch 'em over and over to see whether there's anything I mighta missed the last time I watched 'em.

Some say the footage is fake, but you'd have to get kids to wear outfits and run around for the camera in order to do that -- just can't see a parent subjecting their kid to that. Besides, them little men -- they don't look like kids no how -- too skinny. I guess you could make a kid look like he had a big head like them little men have, and maybe put some fake eyes on them, like that, but I don't see how you can make a kid look that skinny. Ain't never seen no kid that skinny.  Those little men are as skinny as cats.

Welp. That there is just about it -- the story of 'The Incident'. Mmm...that was good. Three beers. Guess that makes this here a 'three-beer story'. Yessir! Guess I'll be heading home in a bit. Anyway...I reckon ole Joe's got it better since the incident. And, I'm glad for him, but, myself, I reckon maybe it was providence that caused Joe to get that assignment that day. Yessir! That's what I believe. Like, the things that happened were supposed to take place. Like he was supposed to be out there in the desert next to Area 51 that day. I can't get it to add up no other way. No matter how many times I think about it. Makes you wonder. I mean, not only Joe getting that assignment on that stretch of road on that particular day, but him just happening to have a camera -- the only day he ever brought a camera to work with him! Oh, hell -- it had been years since the last time Joe and Delores even so much as talked on the phone, then, she up and sends him a video camera for his birthday, just a coupla days before Joe witnesses the strangest thing he ever saw. No, sir! Just don't add up.

Then, there's the change in Joe's personality to consider. You see, like I said, Joe had decided not to carry all that anger and spite no more, but that ain't the half of it. Now, Joe's concerned for folks. He cares, gives of himself, tries to help out. And...and this is the thing -- he wants to make the world a better place. Can you beat that? He's said that right to my face. Used to be Joe'd just as soon spit if you looked at him wrong, and now he wants to make the world a better place!? If ever there was a higher power at work... Yessir! Joe went from being outright ornery to a philanthropist in just one weekend. Makes you wonder...sure does. Ain't for me to judge, though, I expect. Not any of it.

Anyway, Joe may not believe in no higher power -- or, at least he don't come out and say it -- but he does believe in a higher calling. At least something better than painting them lines down state highways. After he quit his job, Joe cashed in his retirement accounts and set about to answering that calling. He got himself a snazzy computer, and another video camera -- a professional model -- and started himself a website. Yessir! I could not hardly believe it. Ole regular Joe starting a internet website. He gets lots of hits, too. And that's not all -- he even has advertising on his site. People -- businesses -- they pay him good money to show their ads!

Some of them ads are those flashy banner type -- ever seen 'em. Sure -- you have. Everyone's seen 'em. Bother some people. Not me... I don't see Joe too much no more. He's always off doing what he calls 'field work'. Can stay away for weeks. Right now he's down in South America -- Chile -- in the mountains they got down there. Local folks tell of some kind of half-man, half-furry monster lives up in them mountains. So, Joe's aiming to be the first to get video of it. Then, he'll post it on his site and tell the world. I suppose that would make the world a better place somehow -- if we was aware of all the creatures that's half man, half whatever.

Well, don't get me wrong! Joe's work is surely important, and I don't mean to poke fun at it. He does quite a bit more to enhance people's lives than I do, that's for sure. He gives to charities, too. Gives more money than I ever could. No, sir, Joe's efforts accomplish quite a bit. I'd venture he's making the world a better place. Certainly is. Just like he set out to.

Here, lemme write down the address on this napkin. There. That's Joe's website -- that's where you can see his video. And them other ones, too. If you care to. He's also got photos, and personal accounts -- interviews -- from people that say they had experiences similar to Joe's. People from all over the world -- seems like lots of folks have had weird things happen in their lives.

Well, that's the story of 'The Incident'. I thank you for the beers. It's getting late -- gonna get real cold soon. Most folks don't know it but it gets mighty cold this time of year at night round here. No, thank you anyway -- I'm walking, don't need a ride. Just live a quarter mile up the trail. That's right -- it's just a trail -- no sidewalk, nor lights. Nothing. It's safe, though, I suppose. I can still see pretty good at night. Nope. You don't have to worry about no snakes. Nor scorpions, and such. Too cold. They's all burrowed under rocks to keep warm. Gila monster? Naw! They're the first to dig in once the sun gets low. Besides, they're cold-blooded, like snakes. Gila monster's slow as sin during the heat of the day -- at night, when it's cold, why, you could step right on one of them lizards and by the time he turned to bite you you'd be home in bed.

No, there ain't nothing to be afraid of on a cold night out here. Well, maybe other people, sad as it is to say. I suppose I wouldn't want to run into no serial killer. That's just a joke. There ain't no folks out this far to be concerned about. Lemme just get my coat on and I'll be saying good night. I hope you enjoyed it -- the story, that is. I thank you again for buying me them beers. Hopefully, I'll run into you again sometime. Maybe I'll get the next round.

Well, I'll be going. No, sir. Ain't nothing out there to be concerned about out in the desert. Not anything from this planet, I mean. Welp, goodnight to you. Naw...there ain't nothing to be concerned about -- not from this planet, anyways.