Monday, December 04, 2006

So Lucky To Of [sic] Read This

Lindsay Lohan in A Prairie Home Companion directed by Robert Altman
It's only four paragraphs but my my how sharp the British can be -- especially when a target presents itself. The Guardian reports Lindsay Lohan may portray Caitlin Thomas, widow of the poet Dylan Thomas, in an upcoming biopic. So what? These rumors fly around all day. However, in this case Lindsay is at a disadvantage. Seems she recently said the following of Robert Altman (with whom she worked on "A Prairie Home Companion"), "I am lucky enough to of [sic] been able to work with Robert Altman...He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do...Be adequite."

Well... (Let me catch my breath). Suffice it to say the Guardian doesn't cut Lindsay any slack. They continue by pointing out that, while few actors possess Lohan's 'anti-qualifications' for playing literary figures, many American movie stars leap at the chance to show off their 'slo-o-ower echt Englishspeak' in classy movies about British people who write, read, or just carry a lot of books around.

Nicole Kidman as Virginia Woolf in The HoursAnne Hathaway will be Jane Austen in the regrettably and anti-literarily [sic] entitled "Becoming Jane", Johnny Depp as JM Barrie, Renee Zellweger as Beatrix Potter, and Nicole Kidman (although she is Australian, for our purposes she will be considered Americanized by association with Hollywood), who portrayed Virginia Woolf (and her nose) in "The Hours". I mean, look at her -- that piercing gaze, the way she holds the cigarette -- all so clever. You just know this person could tell you how the Electoral College works, or what the longest river in the world is.

Let's face it -- the British sound smarter than us. Once I knew a conductor who spoke with a wisp of a British accent even though he grew up in the Midwest United States. Who can blame him? He wanted to sound better than the average schmo conductor from Winston-Salem or some town in Idaho. From now on I'm talking with an accent and I'm never going anywhere without a book (hardcover, thank you very much). If necessary I'll wear a fake nose and smoke in order to appear more...uh...what's the word? Smart. That's it. I want to look and sound...oh, uh, what was that word again? Oh, yeah -- smart.

Complete Guardian story

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